Six weeks until retirement. Such a big change in my life, after working in the same place for 31 years. This week I finally feel I have time to do some of the soul searching I felt I didn't have time for while concentrating on the work I needed to finish at my job, which is for the most part done now.
So I set off down the beach as the tide was rising. It was a lovely day although the forecast had been for cloudy weather.
I first encountered a large horseshoe crab(which I now know, after some research, was probably a female) in the shallows. She looked up at me. She approached me and eventually her two big eyes were out of the water, clearly looking right at me. She held my gaze for what seemed like a long time but was probably not even 30 seconds. She then did a full pirouette and headed into deeper water.
I found this to be a remarkable event. I felt there was a message to be learned. As I'd been walking I had been searching for opportunities to 'merge' parts of myself I'd been ignoring and bring them back into the wholeness of myself, Stage 5. I walked on.
I soon saw another horseshoe crab. This was was more medium sized, perhaps a male. He got a brief look at me and quickly departed into deeper water. Not sure what this meant so I kept going.
Soon I saw something sticking up a few inches into the air near the water's edge. This turned out to be a rather small horseshoe crab, at least smaller than the other two, and it was in distress. Flipped over and seemed unable to right itself. I've seem them do it so I know it is possible but this poor fellow was pretty stuck. His tail was pointing straight up, no way to use it to turn over. I gently lifted him by his tail(maybe not the best way?) and after three tries he was oriented properly, he kept folding up on himself, protecting his underside. Finally he sorted himself out and went on his way but as I walked along he seemed to rush along beside me for several steps as if to maintain contact long enough to say 'thank you'.
Wow, this was getting interesting. I continued down the beach but soon came to a rocky section ending in a big jetty too big to climb over and with the tide coming up, the beach effectively ended there. Instead of turning back 20-30 feet sooner, I walked as far as I comfortably could between the rocks and was rewarded with another visitor. A small-ish horseshoe crab covered in 'barnacles'(actually I think they're lipids or chitons or something) giving the appearance of being very old(and wise?). I thought they appeared to be 'riders', perhaps pieces of wisdom collected over time. I didn't have a long encounter with this fellow but felt like I'd been thoroughly looked over. Perhaps he was saying 'did you get the message?'.
I started back the way I came. One small horseshoe crab visited me on the way back, perhaps the one I'd 'saved'(honestly, he probably would have been fine as the tide was coming up). Again, just a brief acknowledgment but otherwise he went on his way.
I began paying close attention to my steps. I'd been walking mostly in the water just at the edge so as I walked back there were no trace of my footprints in the sand ahead of the rising tide. As I walked, the footprints disappearing behind me, I envisioned walking from my past into my future. Every day. Every step. This is what is happening all of the time. There is no escape from it. Each time my foot leaves the ground, that is past. Each time it reaches ahead to the future. Where my foot is on the earth. This is now. Each step a perfect 'now'.
I wrote this haiku on the walk back:
Walking on the beach
Steps merge the past and future
Tide greets heart and soul
I wondered what the horseshoe crab encounters meant. I came up with:
Ancient animal - wisdom for survival?
Patient and methodical - wisdom in patience?
Driven by tides to mate - a 'pawn' of natural cycles?
I did some research and found a site with great information:
http://wisdom-magazine.com/Article.aspx/3191/
On another site I saw 'many opposites and contradictions' within the animal and I felt drawn to that too.
I studied theater arts and then mathematics in college. Each would have led to a very different life.
My career landed in data analysis for oceanographic research, mainly in underwater acoustics, but my artistic side has always been longing to lead me. I have worked with fabric and fibers since I was quite young and continued these as hobbies while working but work took a lot of emotional energy that I would have used for them. About ten years ago I had a 'renaissance' and expanded into beads and wire and polymer clay as well as dying textiles and very recently stained glass. It seems there is never enough time to explore the possibilities of this ever expanding array of underdeveloped talents.
It is very exciting to see a future where these 'hobbies' become the primary focus of my life instead of always pushing them aside.....
Aha! Perhaps this is the merging I have been seeking. The part I've been ignoring. My artistic side! So simple. A walk down the beach and some chance natural encounters lead me to a fabulous conclusion.
From the horseshoe crab I've learned:
- to protect my true and authentic self
- to be patient and persevere; there is a time for everything
- have compassion for everything and everyone including myself
- trust the ancient wisdom within myself
Thank you, Horseshoe Crab!
No comments:
Post a Comment